venerdì 1 marzo 2013

Vita di Pipì

A volte capitano dei fatti che mi portano a riflettere sui tutti quegli avvenimenti che, apparentemente, sembrano non avere una spiegazione razionale, tipo: cosa sta, o non sta, guardando Valeria?

Ecco, ultimamente ci sono state le elezioni, magari non ve ne eravate accorti e vi prendo di sorpresa, ma ci sono state, ve lo giuro sulla fila ordinata di batterie AA scariche che "sono poche, le appoggio sulla scrivania e aspetto che che se ne scarichi qualcun'altra, così almeno le butto tutte insieme". Insomma, che ci crediate o no, ci sono state queste elezioni e, come succede sempre, hanno contato i voti e tutti si sono chiesti:
"Ma questo chi l'ha votato?"
Domanda legittima, perché, ovviamente, se io voto Sbirulino*, mi chiedo come si possa votare per il Gabibbo e viceversa; sta di fatto che a volte questa domanda sono in tanti a porsela e a porla e, guarda caso, quelli che ti dicono:
"Sono stato io."
a conti fatti, sembrano sempre molto molto pochi.

Ebbene, so per certo che quella domanda è passata anche nella mente di tutti quelli che stanno leggendo questo post, quindi ora chiedo a tutti gli uomini (sì, solo agli uomini, ma le donne, se vogliono, posso anche continuare a leggere) se siete abbastanza forti da rivolgere su voi stessi questa potente intuizione? (semicit.)

Mi spiego meglio: qualsiasi uomo qui dentro** ha messo piede almeno una volta in un bagno pubblico e sa bene che nell'80% dei casi il pavimento del suddetto bagno è completamente ricoperto da uno strato umidiccio, di spessore variabile, composto principalmente da materiale liquido e maleodorante per nulla dissimile da certune secrezioni renali; bene, avete presente la scena, ora la domanda è: chi di voi hai mai pisciato fuori dal vaso?

Non aspetto nemmeno che rispondiate, perché sono certo che nessuno di voi compie atti sconci a tal punto da provocare lo sdegno di qualsiasi povero avventore del putrido bagno pubblico sovradescritto; scrivo certe parole, perché io mi fido di voi e non ho bisogno di presenziare ogni volta all'espletamento delle vostre minzioni per credere che non vi sia mai capitato, ma se*** non esiste persona al mondo che riesca ad ammettere di aver sbagliato mira una volta o due, e considerando che, al momento attuale, la piaga di quelli che entrano in bagno, ma poi pisciano in terra è un fatto meno rilevante (sebbene assolutamente non trascurabile) della scelta del candidato più adatto a governare un Paese; mi chiedo come si possa anche solo pensare che qualcuno ammetta candidamente di aver preferito Dodò a Uan, o viceversa, quando, di fatto, i pavimenti dei cessi pubblici sono così spesso completamente spisciati?

In sostanza la questione è sempre la stessa: l'uomo non è onesto e non perde occasione per mentire, soprattutto quando è cosapevole di aver tenuto un comportamento stigmatizzabile e quando sa che nessuno può avere la certezza di quale sia la verità.

Ora questo discorso valeva per il bagno degli uomini, ma se la comunità scientifica internazionale sa così poche cose dei bagni delle donne, ci sarà un motivo: evidentemente anche loro hanno qualcosa da nascondere, perciò ora non iniziate a fare le splendide, perché tra mentire e omettere la verità non c'è poi molta differenza.

PS: i nomi Gabibbo, Sbirulino, Dodò e Uan sono puramente casuali. Nessun pupazzo è stato maltrattato durante la stesura del post.

*oltretutto, se voto Sbirulino, voto per uno zombie, in quanto vivente come personaggio, ma non più vivente come persona (purtroppo), e la Costituzione non è molto chiara in merito a questo argomento.
**esiste un dentro?
***esclusi i presenti, che sono tutte persone a modino.

24 commenti:

  1. Secondo me solo Giacobbo con Voyager può aiutarci a svelare il mistero.

    RispondiElimina
  2. Direi che l'esempio del pisciare è perfettamente coerente con certi voti...
    Ma tu che fine avevi fatto?

    RispondiElimina
  3. Fortuna sono una donna e per fare pipì mi siedo.
    Metafora perfettamente calzante comunque.
    E io ai desaparecidos che hanno pisciato fuori dal water glielo taglierei. Ecco.

    RispondiElimina
  4. Decisamente un argomento che sposa (?) le elezioni del 24,25 febbraio e chi hai votato. QUANTA VERITA' sta nel tuo post: nessuno a parte Dario ha votato (sbagliando e pendentosene amaramente in seguito) Berlusconi: eppure è salito a Palazzo Chigi.Bohhhh "misterium fidei"
    Perchè questa premessa?? Per dirti, per confessare "urbi et orbi" che spesso ho pisciato fuori, ma non tanto nei cessi pubblici (se posso evito quei luoghi), quanto in casa. Ma il fatto è che spesso fatico a "trovarlo" e dalla fretta non gli dò la giusta direzione. Beata Princess S.che non ha la proboscide u_U

    RispondiElimina
  5. PS: ora capisco il "perchè" titolo del post.
    Mi unisco al lettore di prima: ndo sei stato in questi mesi? Ozio, ozio, ozio o_O

    RispondiElimina
  6. @Principe Kamar: penso che si debba creare una task force ad hoc, lui sarebbe il capo, seconda in comando Jane Alexander, Daniele Bossari come scout, Lucilla Agosti che prepara la merenda e Pinketts porta da bere.

    @El_Gae: sto prendendo una brutta piega, pensa che perdo addirittura tempo a studiare e non faccio più le cose importanti, ma sono sicuro che quando mi rimarrà da fare solo la tesi comparirò più spesso.

    @La Princess S.: infatti sedersi evita ogni tipo di problema, ma se il bagno è in comune tra donne e uomini... beh, lì so' ca...voli.

    @Dà: ci sono cose che non vanno dette (soprattutto perché altrimenti fai passare per falsità tutte le cose che ho scritto prima).

    RispondiElimina
  7. Insomma, c'è chi non è capace di tenere manco una penna in mano, che non si preoccupa di chi verrà dopo e neanche di chi deve sistemare poi, che però a casa sua è sempre preciso e insospettabile. (E basta, non so che altro aggiungere, ti avevo promesso una frase di senso compiuto, ma ti dovrai accontentare di questa :P)
    Fra
    P.s. che bello, qui posso omettere quel fastidioso numero rivelatore dopo il nick
    P.p.s. ma questo post l'ha vinto l'oscar come miglior regia?

    RispondiElimina
  8. @Arf: comunque alla fine il commento è chiaro come il mio post, quindi...
    PS: lo devo mettere io?
    PPS: no, era candidato al Razzie, ma manco quello gli hanno dato :'(

    RispondiElimina
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